Friday

I'm distressed today. And feeling rather lonely. Considering that I have had a busy week and a really busy weekend coming up I can't say exactly why, either. I tend to thrive on people things and this week has been full of them.

This is my Victoria weekend. I have a day and a night in town with friends, playing fiddle. Tomorrow I have a workshop with Patti Lamoureux (famous in fiddle circles) and after a wee date with my hubby I have an open mic night in Chemainus. On Sunday I'm participating in the church service and then in the evening going to Nanaimo to meet and hear Troy McGillivray (another famous Canadian fiddler, from Cape Breton). That gives me Sunday afternoon to relax a bit. This week:

I bought, then had to decline the purchase of a mandolin. This morning before I go to Vic I have to go to her home and get my money back. She's a new widow, lonely and broke, and I wanted to help her out. I can't.

I met a violin teacher with 40 years of experience playing in orchestras, and signed up for lessons (even though it's a huge financial sacrifice, I've been struggling with the urge to study formally for quite a while, and now I think I've found the right person and feel I must. While John completely supports this it is a huge financial commitment and scary.). In the city (half hour away).

I played with a group of local fiddlers, not knowing 'any' of their music or anything about them, and sight read for two hours successfully. Very exciting. Also in the city, at night, in pitch black darkness, pouring rain. Stressful and sick.

I learned that my youngest sister is facing cancer. She has 3 children and thinks she's going to die.

I learned that my oldest son is moving back to Alberta because he has no work, no money  and no home here, and thinks he never will. He doesn't like living in Alberta but, well, he has to do something. I'm sad for him.

I supervised my daughter through a government exam. She was stressed; I was stressed.

I talked and talked and talked to the girls about their home work and how important it is that they call it important, and how they have to choose their music, activity and arts, not me, and why that matters. They want me to choose. I don't want to.

I wrote seasonal reviews for the girls (like report cards) and their study gaps became highly visible. Now I have to respond. I'm tired.

    I need to do a few things to help my youngest son get fully prepared for his Nicaragua trip (he leaves on the 10th, with Samaritan's Purse) and it has to be done today (he just phoned to inform me of this). Before I go to Victoria, of course.

    I must go to Victoria today because the fiddle society has their AGM tonight. I have to be there, which means I can't cancel today, of all days. I would cancel if not for the meeting.

and so on.....

On Friday mornings I usually do laundry and clean up the house so the weekend is housework free. I usually cook ahead too. Today, because I have to go to someone's house, the bank and the grocery I won't be able to do it. When I am trying to relax on Sunday it'll be staring me in the face because, quite likely, no one else will do it. Even if I ask it's likely to remain undone. I'm training my girls to fill in when needed, but they don't do it easily yet.

So you see, while I am usually very excited about my Victoria weekend, at the end of this sort of week I'm just tired, and wondering, and all the stresses of the past few months feel like they're on my shoulders. I think I'll feel better once I'm on my way - someone else drives, so I have an hour and a half to relax in the car - but being ready is stressing me out.

that's my Friday.